As many as 10,000 turkeys are set to march along Brighton seafront tomorrow in a last-ditch attempt to put a stop to this year’s Christmas.
The protest comes two years after 52% of turkeys voted for Christmas despite it resulting in their death and subsequent consumption. Since the vote it has been claimed that many of the turkeys were lied to by the older turkeys who wanted to keep Christmas despite the morbid consequences. The Brighton Bulletin spoke exclusively to Trevor Taylor of ‘Turkey’s 4 Truth’ who is leading the campaign for a second vote.
‘We were massively misled by the Christmas Group, they are a bunch of old turkeys who were going to die anyway so they didn’t care, gobble. They promised us more corn, better huts to live in and another £350 million towards our vet bills, gobble. Since the vote this has all turned out to be nonsense and we are basically fucked and are going to die and be eaten. Fucking pricks!’ he gobbled as he held back tears.
It is estimated that up to 70% of the turkey electorate has now changed their mind over the Christmas decision, however the Prime Turkey has decided to plough on regardless following pressure from a group of hard-line turkeys who enjoy fucking themselves over so much they are calling for 3 Christmases per year.
The demonstration will begin on Grand Parade at 11am, with other local celebrity birds set to join in solidarity including Gully the Brighton Mascot, Caroline Lucas and annoying bird whistle man.