A local wannabe hard man and all round ‘Billy Big Bollocks’, who only wears shorts come rain or shine, insisted yesterday that he still wasn’t cold despite temperatures plunging to a ball shrinking minus seven.
Jack Hoy, 46, has worn shorts everyday for as long as he can remember for no other reason than the fact he is a massive bell piece. Despite being bought numerous pairs of trousers by his long suffering wife Linda, Jack has no interest in wearing them instead prefering to look like a plumb in his skimpy shorts. ‘I have tried all sorts’ said Linda. ‘He just won’t budge though; the fat prick loves the attention. He loves people coming up to him and saying he must be cold just so he can tell them that he is fine and he doesn’t feel it. The last time it was this cold I got him some of those little wanky three quarter lengths and he wore them for the morning but he wasn’t getting the attention he craved, so he binned them and spent the rest of the day in his pants, the stupid git’.
The Brighton Bulletin managed to track down the construction worker for comment as he was being treated for hyperthermia at Brighton’s Royal Sussex Hospital. ‘I was admitted yesterday, not sure what for they are just doing some tests’ he said. Despite his predicament he denied it had anything to do the extreme weather and his insistence on wearing shorts. ‘No mate, the cold doesn’t affect me, that’s why I can always wear shorts’ he shivered as his lips turned blue.