BREAKING: Cyclist Who Thinks he is Too ‘Big Time’ to Use Seafront Cycle Lane Has Tiny Penis

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Breaking news has reached The Brighton Bulletin this morning. It has been confirmed that the cyclist who prefers to weave in and out of traffic rather than use the perfectly adequate bike lane two metres to his left, has an unbelievably small todger.

The unnamed rider uses Kings Road for his daily commute to and from work and maintains a steady speed of 10mph in order to hold up traffic, his latest trick being to weave back to the front of queuing cars at the traffic lights just so he can hold them up more than once. On a good day he can be overtaken by the same car up to seven times.

The 43 year old cyclist has been outed by his wife, who became fed up with his constant gloating about how he is far too good on his bike to use the cycle lane. The woman who wanted to remain anonymous spoke exclusively to the Brighton Bulletin, ‘ever since he got that damn bike he has been a complete prick’ she said. ‘He bought it for himself in an effort to lose his beer belly but it has spiralled completely out of control. He wears these stupid tight shorts, but they do nothing for him what so ever. I make him put a sock down there just to save him from embarrassment. The silly twat thinks he is bloody Lance Armstrong but in reality he is just a fat barstard with a tiny cock, I’m fed up with it’ she said.

The cyclist, who is desperately trying to keep his identity under wraps, has responded by saying, ‘I can’t believe what she has done. It’s not my fault I’m so good at cycling, there is no way I’m slumming it with those amateurs in the bike lane. Luckily only a few of my mates have found out but I’m still getting called all sorts of names…

Terry Tiny Todge
Smithy Small Sack
Terry Smith the Small Dick Prick

….to name just a few, as the long as the general public don’t get hold of my name I should be fine’ he said.

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