Brighton came within minutes of destruction yesterday only to be inadvertently saved, just in the nick of time, by The City’s new parking regulations.
A source close to the big fella has revealed that after his third PPI call of the day the Lord Almighty lost his rag and decided to end it all. He headed to Brighton with a face like a slapped arse to kick things off. He parked his Nissan Micra on Hampden Road and despite forgetting his vehicle registration twice, he finally managed to get an hour ticket from the stupid machine.
Morgan Freeman then began the process of ending the world. As the sky turned orange and the rain turned brown Brightonians across the city started taking photos of sky, oblivious to their impeding death. However a delay from a supplier, who in turn blamed Brexit, meant the process was held up, and would take him over the hour parking he had paid for. Faced with the choice of finishing what he started or the £35 fine he thought it wasn’t worth the risk and decided to sack the whole thing off. On his return to his vechile, God barged through the crowd of clock watching parking attendants, who were all stood around the Micra counting down the seconds, before going on his merry way.
Eyewitnesses claim he shouted expletives at the wardens whilst speeding off, before returning to his Newhaven home just in time to catch the end of Tipping Point.