A study published yesterday has revealed that the male population of Brighton and Hove are more partial to a sit down slash than males in every other British city.
A whopping 78% of men in Brighton chose to plonk themselves down to siphon the python at least once a week. This is compared to Chelmsford (69%) and Bristol (66%) who came some distance behind in second and third respectively.
Brighton’s lofty position has been but down to a number a factors including the City’s diverse culture and accepting attitude to gender equality, the higher quality of public toilets and the fact that a lot of men of are lazy feckers who can’t be bothered to aim or put the seat down let alone have to actually stand up.
The research was conducted by the University of Hull who surveyed 3000 men over the course of six months. Lead researcher Dr I.P. Freely, commented on some interesting countrywide trends, ‘Our research showss a clear rise in the number of men who are have a leak whilst sitting down. We believe the main reason for this is smart phone usage, over the course of the last decade males who used to enjoy a spot of ‘WhatsApp bantz’ whilst laying a cable have slowly realised that they can have that same enjoyment whilst sitting down and spending a penny. We also noticed a real north south divide, in the south of the country men were quite open about their method of peeing whilst in the north gentlemen were far more reserved. One male from Cumbria who we spoke to said he was called a ‘big fat stinking poof’ after he admitted to his pals he occasionally enjoyed a sit down piss’.
We caught up with men on Brighton’s North Street earlier today to get their take on the findings. Jamie King from Hove said, ‘Yea I bloody love a sit down piss. I do it all the time. I find it gives me time to relax and reflect, plus I don’t have the Mrs. moaning about splash back on the seat’.
A gentleman who didn’t want to be named was slightly less enthusiastic ‘ I enjoy the occasional one on special occasions or in the middle of the night but generally it is once every couple of months really, I don’t want to get in any bad habits’ he said. Ben Moore from Shoreham seemed shocked at the findings ‘What! Blokes sit down to piss? Blokes? Nah mate that’s for birds pal. Standing for a slash and sitting for a sh*t, its basics mate. Who are these idiots?’ he exclaimed.