Brighton Residents Could Face Present Delay as Tight Ar*e Santa Plans to Park up Elm Grove and Walk in

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The good people of Brighton could have to wait as long as 7pm on Christmas Day to receive their presents from Father Christmas this year.

A statement released from his HQ at the North Pole this morning explained that Santa was not willing to spend his ‘hard earned’on Brighton’s extortionate parking prices and has instead decide to park his sleigh up Elm Grove and do his rounds on foot.

Although St Nick himself was unavailable for comment we managed to grab a word from one of his elves’ who explained the extent of his contempt, ‘To say the big man is upset with Brighton’s parking situation is an understatement. He is royally pissed off. Last year he spent hours trying to find a space and then when he did find one he didn’t have any change so he had to find a cash point to get a tenner out and then find a shop to buy a pack of fruit pastilles to get some change, it was a right faff. Mrs Claus’ auntie lives in Brighton and her council tax is crazy, if they think he’s giving the council any of his hard earned they can feck off! And there is no way he can afford the NCP on his wage. The whole thing is a mess.’

Despite the delay all the North Pole has assured The Bulletin that all presents will be delivered at some point during the day and residents should not panic.

The Brighton Bulletin Team wish to thank all our readers especially those who send in stories and like and share our work, wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

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