Southern Rail Set to Step up Cancellation Game in Desperate Bid to Stay Sh*tter Than Ryanair

Southern Rail bosses have ordered staff to get their act together and start cancelling more trains as Ryanair edges closer to claiming their ‘King of the cancellations’ top spot. Leaked documents obtained by the Brighton Bulletin, show senior management are nervously monitoring the Ryanair situation. Emails pleading with staff to ‘show some god damn desire’…

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Brighton Weight Loss Group Hails Cheesefest a Huge Success

A local slimmers group has come to the defence of an under fire Brighton cheese festival by congratulating the organisers on a ‘hugely successful event’. The Brighton Bulge Burners, a 130 strong weight loss club, had 15 of its members attend the event on Saturday all of whom showed a ‘significant loss’ when reporting in…

Brighton Mourns as City’s Last Gluten Tolerant Resident Dies aged 85

Restaurant workers across Sussex stood silent for two minutes today as they remembered Christine Parish, Brighton’s last gluten tolerant resident, who died on Wednesday. Brighton and Hove is now 100% Gluten intolerant and is almost 98% lactose intolerant with only a few hundred hardy milk drinkers remaining. The knock on effect of the rise has…